we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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