the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The power of my boobs compel you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
