i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
