Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
