I think im going to throw up on grandma
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
