Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well you can't waste a boner
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just invented taco cereal.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
