this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
