Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
