Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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