He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me I should be a condom model.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
