You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
