I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize