and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
