After last night, I could never be a politician.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.