I heard we made out
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?