you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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