don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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