she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize