mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
