party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
