Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
