did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
