Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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