My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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