you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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