Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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