I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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