Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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