Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
