Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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