Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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