i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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