Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
