When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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