You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.