Can Purell be used as lube?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.