I am puke
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
