I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
