i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it hurts more in the daytime
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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