are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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