Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
