And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
