So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
