Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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