can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
