We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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