I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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