know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you didnt know i had herpes?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
