I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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