also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
