why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
