I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just gargled with NyQuil
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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