Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
