He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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