let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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