he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
