Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
