You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
