I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
