there's paper in my vomit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
