I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
