My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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