I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
