You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
