I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
