We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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