recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
