did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
